What's in the Bible Discount

We've got some great promotions to share with you from What's in the Bible! Our families have enjoyed What's in the Bible DVD's for a while now, and if you haven't checked them out, now is the time! Follow the link for a Valentine's Day discount!

Sick Kids : Should You Stay or Should You Go?

We are at the height of cold and flu season, so the question that is going to haunt moms for several months, "The kids are sick should I stay home or go?"

This is not an easy question especially depending on how much you want to go to the event. It's much easier for some when you are sick because you do not have anything to loose. Your family is already going to get it, but if your kids are sick and you can stay home: do it.

It get's tricky when you and your kids are healthy and you know that where you are going is sickness. Six years ago, I tried this. I knew that I was going into a very sick situation with my six week old daughter. I did not want to and I was very stressed the entire time we were around the sickness, but I did not think that I had a choice. Guess what happened? She got very sick.

Another time, I was scheduled to help a friend watch her kids only to find out that her kids were sick. I did not want to ruin her day, so I kept them. My four-year-old daughter ended up in the ER with a temperature of 104. That is a bad scenario to start and mix that with a high deductible insurance and it makes it worse.

This year the stomach flu has been in full force.  When presented with a similar situation this year, the opportunity to go to a party with other kids that potentially have the stomach flu, we did the research.

Center for Disease Control has a list of facts regarding the stomach flu and others. Did you know that you can be contagious with the flu for 1 to 4 days before you show symptoms? Most people get sick themselves 2-3 days after they have been exposed.

What do you do if your gut is telling you not to go, but the desire to go is intense. Consider that choosing to go will result in everyone in your family getting sick. If you can go and enjoy the day, and that is an acceptable outcome then go. If on the other hand you do not want to see your kids getting sick, risk getting others sick, paying to go to the doctor, etc, then do not go. Every family's decision is going to be different. I have some friends that welcome sickness with the reason being boosting their children's immune system. I do not share that philosophy.

You and your husband need to make a decision for your family and go with it. I cannot promise you that everyone will understand or appreicate your decision, but you should go with your gut and then don't doubt yourself! You are not the bad guy.

~Julia

The Heavens are Singing

"Mommy! Look at all those clouds! What are all those clouds doing?" I smiled and my mind starting spinning with excitement. I was in the car, traveling to a friend's house with the kids in the back seat. My 4 year old was pointing his finger at the sky and laughing in delight. Think, think. I had to take advantage of a moment like this! He had no idea what a perfect question he had just asked.

The Heavens are singing about how great God is; and the skies are shouting it out, "See what God has made!" Day after day...night after night... They are speaking to us. (Psalm 19:1-2 Paraphrased in the Jesus Storybook Bible)

"Those clouds are saying 'Look how awesome God is!" I said, "Look how big He is!" I love how Sally Lloyd-Jones puts it in the opening words of the Jesus Storybook Bible,

God wrote, "I love you" - he wrote it in the sky, and on the earth, and under the sea. He wrote his message everywhere! Because God created everything in his world to reflect him like a mirror - to show us what he is like, to help us know him, to make our hearts sing.

Are you ready when conversations like this happen? We have so many opportunities throughout the day, to point our kids to Christ. The opportunities aren't always obvious, but they're in the little moments of life, and the big. The quiet talks, goodnight hugs, star gazing, birthday parties, tearful goodbyes, play dates and shopping trips. Look for them. The skies are shouting a message, gather your children together and listen!

Great resources for children from Sally Lloyd Jones:

        

Top 10 Advent Resources for Kids

Song of the Stars: A Christmas Story

Allow me to share with you a collection of Christmas books, videos, and other resources my family has enjoyed over the years. These are some of our favorite things to use during the Christmas season that help keep Christ at the center of our celebrating. What are your favorite things to use with your kids during the advent season?

What's In The Bible? Buck Denver Asks...Why Do We Call it Christmas?

The Nativity Story 

Great for kids age 6 and up. Some scenes may be a little intense, but use discresion, you know your kids best! We watched it together as a family with my kids age 6, 4 and 2 and they all just about made it through to the end without losing interest. My 6 year old really did find it interesting, the other two were hit and miss, but even when they don't seem to be paying attention, you never know what they are soaking in! 

Check out this collection of great advent calenders and other resources, found here

What God Wants for Christmas: An Interactive Nativity

My kids have loved using this for the past few years.

It is a great resource best used for kids age 3 to 8 (my approximation). 

It includes a short, daily devotional reading set to rhyme, 

and a small present to open each day containing a piece for the nativity set. 

On the last day, what God wants for Christmas is revealed to be "YOU!" 

Inside the last gift box is a mirror!   

The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name

Jesus Storybook Bible Advent Reading Schedule

The Jesus Storybook Bible is one of our favorite Bible storybooks for kids. 

Each story from the Bible is told in a beautiful way that always points to Christ.

This is an example of one way to use the Jesus Storybook 

as your family devotions during the month of December. 

This is a really cute board book, perfect for little kids, age 2 to 6. The daily devotional readings are short and sweet and many include suggestions for age appropriate activities. Find it here

Little People Christmas Story Nativity Scene Playset

Peanuts 9 Piece Mini Figure Christmas Set

Throw Jesus a birthday party! 

What better way for young children to make the connection between 

Christ and Christmas, then speaking to them in this tangible way. 

Our family always incorporates a birthday cake and singing in with our big Christmas meal.

Happy Birthday Jesus Party Supplies

We're linked up with

Craft-O-Maniac

Happy Reformation Day

However you are choosing to spend today, be it with friends and family at a church event, trick-or-treating in your neighborhood or staying warm at home, Julia and I pray that everyone stays safe and has fun! 

Julia and I both grew up in Christian homes that each held their own unique views and opinions about what to do with Halloween. Julia did not grow up trick-or-treating, while I did. As parents, prayerfully and creatively decided what your own family stance on Halloween will be, based on Scripture and in light of your present cultural influences, friends and church involvement. Here is a good article from What's in the Bible: How to Talk with Your Children About Halloween

Don't forget that today is also Reformation Day!: The Gospel Coalition: Five Key Concepts

Some principles that our family follows during the entire Halloween season:

• Focus on positive things, not negative. Fun pumpkins, Fall leaves, cider mills, harvest decor, positive costumes are all fun and acceptable things to enjoy during this season! We stay away from things like: haunted houses, zombies, ghosts, witches, skeletons, spiders and other spooky things.
• Choose costumes that are age appropriate, positive and modest. Animals, princesses, superheros, etc. There are plenty of options out there to keep the focus on positive things rather than encouraging things that are negative, dark or mean.
• If you do choose to go trick-or-treating, know the neighborhood. Is it little-kid friendly or is there an overload of dark, creepy stuff that is just going to scare your child and send them home crying?
• How can you best use this season to glorify God? As a Christian, there are plenty of ways to get out there and claim Halloween in the name of Jesus. Our church provides Halloween Tracts to hand-out to trick-or-treaters (along with candy of course!). Pray for your neighborhood as you walk with your kids. Pray for God's blessing on the children and for their safety. Pray that any evil spirits will flee as you bring the name of Jesus to each doorstep. 
• If you choose not to participate in a church or community event that centers around trick-or-treating, are you providing opportunities to be a light to those around you or missing out? For several years now, trick-or-treating with my family means a large group of friends from church, walking together around our community, having fun and enjoying time with our kids, then ending the night with a bonfire, hot cider and donuts. We have also done Halloween alternatives at church where we allow kids to dress up and recite Bible verses to receive candy. Weather you trick-or-treat, or host other fun fall activities with your kids and their friends, put Christ at the center! 

Staying Sane While Homeschooling

We are 5 weeks into our school year. 

Here are the 5 things I've learned I need, to keep my sanity:

1. I need to make a weekly schedule, then take a chill pill and relax when things don't go exactly as planned. I like feeling organized, I like routines and goals. I need goals, otherwise I tend to get lazy. But we homeschool, and one of the perks to homeschooling is that you don't have to follow a schedule! My goal every day is to hit the gym by 7:30am, return home showered, dressed (looking fabulous) and ready to go (I know, right?).  I like when my husband has got the kids up, dressed and fed, so that when I return we are ready to get going on school by 9:00. It doesn't usually go that smoothly, but it's our goal. I've learned not to beat myself up when it doesn't happen quite like that (or at all like that).
2. We all need breaks. For the kids: If you're half way through a math lesson and your child has mentally checked out and seems completely unresponsive after numerous attempts, have them get up and take 5! Do a lap around the house, sit on the couch and rest, read a book, or eat a snack. Then, get back to work. For me: I need down time at least once a day to keep my sanity, regardless of how productive or unproductive the day has been. I strictly enforce nap time/quiet times here at our house. While my one year old sleeps, the four year old naps or plays quietly in his room and the five year old sits on a bed with books or at a desk to color. Since my 1 year old is still taking a good 2 hour nap mid day, the rule for my other 2 kids is to stay quietly in their rooms until she wakes up.
3. I kinda need a clean house. I find that my sanity is directly correlated with how clean my house is. Everyone in the family contributes to a general clean-up of everything before going to bed at night. We usually start the day off pretty tidy, but by noon, things can look like a disaster zone! After lunch, we do a round-up of all the toys, my 5 year old cleans the table off and my 4 year old vacuums up crumbs with the dust buster. I'm no clean freak, I'm all about letting the kids be kids and have fun with their toys, but a little mid-day organization in the midst of chaos can be very therapeutic!
4. I need unconditional support from my husband. Maybe it's all in my head, maybe it's reality, but I feel a lot of pressure as a homeschooler. I know there are people watching what we're doing; fellow bloggers, blog readers, friends and family members. I know there are some people watching out of general curiosity, and others that remain very skeptical. I know that on top of our parenting responsibilities, taking on the sole educational instruction of our children is no small task. Because of this, I have my moments of emotional breakdown, and I need to know my husband is behind me 100%. 
5. I need to get out of the house and have alone time. For this reason, starting my day at the gym really does help. At the end of the day, I can at least say that I got out of the house at one point! Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I love having them at home and I love being around them all day. But I know my limits, and so does my husband. He is pretty good about picking up on my vibe that says "Help! Get me outta here!" Sometimes all I need is a change in scenery :)

*For further encouragement to chill out, read this cool little post: Dear Moms, Jesus Wants You to Chill Out For the record, I read that right after publishing this post and found it very fitting to include here :)

Linked-Up Here:
Hip Homeschool Moms

What We Learned Playing Uno

Great Grandma and Grandpa Cavanaugh (AKA Grandma and Grandpa Dopedo) came to visit one Saturday afternoon. They came prepared with card games, dominoes and homemade mac and cheese. What can you learn playing card games with your great grandparents? A lot! As my grandma, a retired school teacher was quick to point out.
Socialization? This is inter-generational socialization at it's best. Help your kids strengthen their ability to interact with people of all ages. Play cards or dominoes with grandma and grandpa, they just might cover:

• Fine motor skills
• Matching
• Number recognition
• Patterns
• Color recognition
• How to win unselfishly
• How to lose gracefully 
• Taking turns
• Following instructions
• Sitting still
• Patience
• Good sportsmanship

Just to name a few! Provide opportunities for your kids to interact with people of all ages. If you don't have grandparents that are able to be involved in your lives, arrange for meetings to take place with other elderly couples from your church, or visit a nursing home. When in your life, aside from a public school classroom, are you ever in a room all day, with a group of peers your same exact age and grade level? Never! Teach your kids to confidently interact with kids and adults of all ages, and they will be well ahead of the game!

Mealtime Battles

Are you tired of fighting a battle with your kids every time you sit down to eat? I have a couple picky eaters in my house (one of them is not a kid). I also have children that get quite rambunctious and easily distracted, without fail, as soon as they sit down at the table. My kids are 5, 4 and 1. I want all three of them to be grateful, not complainers. I want them to take mealtime somewhat seriously. I want them to realize I am not a short order cook and that our kitchen does not take special requests or extend it's hours after closing time. I'm not a heartless monster in the kitchen, but I need structure in our home and I need down time. It's exhausting watching other moms get up and down and up and down at every single whim and request of their children! I will not be pushed around by my kids.

Here are our mealtime rules:

• No complaining. You eat what is in front of you, you don't get to make special requests.
• You can choose not to eat, but this may result in complaints of being hungry later. For that reason, you will eat now, or not at all.
• You will sit politely and quietly (so that when we are out to eat, sitting quietly is not a new concept).
• You will ask to be excused before getting up, and you will take your plate to the sink.

We do generally reward our kid's good eating habits with a small portion of dessert. This may be controversial to some people, but dessert for us usually means 1 small cookie, 1 piece of candy, or 1 fruit Popsicle  This is generally the only time during the day that our kids get sweets. 

I was given the advice by a mother of 3 boys, to set the timer when my kids are goofing around instead of eating. Let me tell you, it works! I usually give them a few minutes of grace, but when I see they are acting up, I will inform them the timer is going on. I use the timer on my stove. For a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I will give between 5 and 10 minutes to finish. That may seem short, but really, how long should it actually take to eat a sandwich? Once they are motivated, they will usually finish under 5 minutes time - and that is while still eating like normal humans, no cramming everything in their mouths as fast as they can. 

The first time I did this, they did not take it seriously, but I warned them I would take their food away and they would not get dessert. I felt a little cruel doing this, but I never had to do it again after that. They know now that if they do not finish they will earn a negative consequence.

What are your mealtime tricks of the trade?

Teaching Kids to Sit Through Church

The ability to sit quietly for any extended amount of time is a good thing, period. As adults, there are countless circumstances in our everyday lives that force our patience, and demand that we wait... For kids, this is no less true. If you lead an active lifestyle and are on the go or out and about with your kids, they will no doubt have plenty of opportunities to practice the discipline of waiting.

Now, this is obviously easier said than done. Enter the fidgety little girls and the rowdy boys! Kids are very active by nature (some more than others) but putting the effort in now, to train your children when the pressure is low, will pay off time and time again as potentially stressful situations arise. Believe me, next time you have to wait with your kids at the doctor's office or stand in line at an amusement park, you'll be glad you put the work in. 

It is possible for kids to practice patience, here are some ideas: 

• Create lots of little "low stress" opportunities for your kids to practice siting quietly. Meal times are a great example. Get kids in the habit of sitting still and quietly at the table for each  meal. Reward good behavior and follow through on warnings to punish disobedience. You have to take this seriously for it to work, and you have to stay consistent. 
• Before church or any other planed destination where quietness is required: 
• Explain to your children what you expect before you arrive at your destination. Say, "We are going to a place where you have to be as quiet as a church mouse. Let's practice. What does a church mouse say? ______ That's right, nothing." 
• Explain why they must stay quiet: So that you are able to worship Jesus and focus during the service, and so they do not distract other people around them. Also, explain what the consequences will be if they are rowdy and disruptive. For my kids, being rowdy or disruptive includes: Laying on the floor, pulling on people around them, distracting others around them, talking or making noise, getting up and down, putting their feet on the chairs, going in and out to use the bathroom (I have them use it before the service), and sitting to color when they should be standing to sing. 
• Go prepared! Bring an activity bag for your children. Having the element of surprise with what is in the bag makes it that much more exciting. Do not pull the bag out right away. Let your children pay attention to the activities first (singing at church, etc.), and then bring the bag out. 
• Explain to your kids ahead of time that you have a bag of activities. Say, "I will tell you when you may see and play with what is in the bag. It is important that you keep your hands in your lap. You may not lift your hands above your head because you will be a distraction to the other people around you." 

Figure out what works best for your child. Because I cannot sit next to my kids much of the time, I have found they actually do better sitting completely by themselves within eyesight of me at all times. Some kids do so much better next to a specific individual or a complete stranger! Do you have an older adult that could "adopt" your child every once in a while by sitting next to him or her? 

Ideas for things to take in your activity bag (avoid things that could potentially make noise!):

1. Lace Up Cards

2. Old Flannel Graph your church is no longer using

3. A small toy that doesn't make noise

4. Coloring book with crayons (not markers)

5. Worksheets

6. Books

7. Lap Books/Quiet Games like the ones found here: Pinterest: Quiet Books

Personally, I want my kids to learn the discipline of sitting still because there are way too many adults that can't sit and stay focused through an hour long church service. I have a challenging situation on a regular basis, as every single Sunday I am on the stage along with my husband for the first half of the service. I have no physical control over what my children are doing, other than giving them "the eye" while trying to focus on singing! I explain to my kids, right before I leave them (either seated alone, in the front row, or next to my mom in the 2nd row), that I expect them to stand and sing with everyone else, and pay attention to what is going on. I tell them they are allowed to open their bags and color or write once the music is done and everyone else is seated. My kids know that if I catch them misbehaving, laying on the floor, pulling at the clothes of the people around them, talking to each other or distracting people behind them, I will be the one escorting them out the door when the kids are dismissed for children's church, and they will not like what happens next. At times, it seems like every single week I am having to pull them aside and punish one of them for acting up, but in the long run, I know that being consistent is key!

National Night Out 2012: Lessons in Safety and Obedience

National Night Out is an awareness program held the first Tuesday of August. The main theme at ours was emergency preparedness. I thought my kids were prepared, but found out in a unique way they were not. We started the night well. Natalie and I went around to the different stations and learned about...

What an emergency shower station would look like for a chemical spill.

What kind of supplies families should have to last for
three days without help from the government.

We were taken into a camper and smoke poured in the top of the room.
We were then asked to crawl out. A great time to ensure your kids
 have been exposed to that concept. 

As the storm clouds rolled in, we were able to see what a
disaster ambulance looked like inside. 

And the Coast Guard made a

grand entrance!! 

The kids definitely had fun, too!! 

After we completed all the stations, and had fun in the firetruck sprinklers and bounce houses, it was time for the bike drawing. In order to win, you needed to be present. With the impending clouds, the crowds were down significantly by 8:00. As a result, they kept calling numbers with no response. By the time the last bike was ready to be given away, the volunteers were ready to be done. So, they said whoever is the first person on the stage gets the bike. I grabbed Natalie's hand, thinking it would increase our chances to win if an actual child got there, and started running. She applied what she had learned in the fire demonstration and without any hesitation did the stop, drop and roll. I could not believe it. I was shocked that she would not go with me when it was clear what she was expected to do. 

I asked her what was going on. She said, Mom I would have liked you to ask me if I wanted to go up. I said, Natalie, there was not time to ask you. You just needed to come with me. After more discussion, I found out she did not want to go on the stage. 

If this had been an emergency, something I didn't have time to explain, what would her response have been? I could have forceably taken her, but I have two other children and she is my oldest. I explained to her that she would need to do what she could to help. Getting angry with me is not an option. We have a saying at our house: Obey first, ask questions second. I guess we have some more work to do.

I would challenge you the next time you consider letting some form of discipline go think, "Will my child obey me the first time I ask without explanation?" Ephesians 6:1, "Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right." ~Julia

Children's Bathroom Chores Age 3

We can all agree that it is a good thing to involve your kids in household chores at an early age. My first motivation comes from wanting my children to have a good work ethic and eagerness to help. My second motivation comes when I am trying to accomplish tasks and it seems like if I get farther behind because more mess is made during the time I am cleaning. When my kids are helping, they are engaged and enjoying "helping" Mommy.

The problem comes in practical application. What can I get my kids involved in at each age? 

On Tuesdays I have my three- year-old help me when I clean the bathrooms. He restocks my toilet paper. 

First, he gets the toilet paper from the closet. Then he goes to each bathroom and refills the "secret" spots where we store extra toilet paper. He's proud of himself, and I have some extra help. He will be used to helping when he becomes more productive. ~Julia

Childhood Eczema and Seasonal Allergies

Taylor turned 4 years old this past May. About the time he had completely transitioned onto solid foods, he started having a lot of skin issues and flair ups of a red, itchy rash that would eventually split open and turn into open wounds all over his body. He also demonstrated what seemed like digestive issues and loss of apatite. He was always congested, and had watery, glazed over eyes. He would also go through periods of time with an extremely runny nose and sneezing fits which would result in bloody noses every night. We began researching what could be causing his issues, and thus, the long journey of allergy testing and experimenting with different medications began. 

We thought it was food allergies at first, and began experimenting by taking him off of dairy products, wheat, gluten, eggs, nuts, you name it. Sometimes there seemed to be an improvement, but not great enough to convince ourselves of an explanation. We had a very hard time convincing our pediatrician to do anything or give us anything. He didn't believe in allergy testing on a kid Taylor's age, and was convinced that he'd grow out of whatever it was he had. I was convinced there had to be something out there to ease his discomfort, so we continued searching.

This is Taylor's skin on a really good day. We've seen a lot of good days and bad days since he was born, but it's hard knowing that even on the best days, he's always uncomfortable. 

My advice for anyone concerned with the possibility of a food allergy, seasonal allergies or skin irritation, is to start researching, experimenting, getting blood tests or skin tests done if possible, and figuring it out through trial and error. I have many friends who were able to get a simple blood test done to determine their child's food allergies. We have not had an easy road, but have discovered what works best for us to keep Taylor at his best.

If you can, see an actual allergist who may choose to conduct a skin test. We finally got in to see an allergist after years of hearing from the pediatrician that allergy testing was not necessary. The allergist was a great listener and decided to do the skin test just to be thorough. He chose to test him for a broad spectrum of common environmental allergens (nothing food related). It was uncomfortable for Taylor, but just for a moment. The test results showed he was allergic to trees and cats. OK, so not real helpful as those are things that will be found literally, everywhere. There is no real way to stay away from them.

The allergist was concerned with Taylor's hearing because of how congested he is on a regular basis, so he checked his ears and prescribed the nose spray, Flonase (Fluticasone Propionate). The nose spray has been great and has almost completely relieved Taylor's symptoms of: runny nose, nose bleeds, itchy watery eyes, swollen eyes and dry skin around his nose and eyes. Yep, those are the symptoms he was experiencing on a regular basis and are now almost completely gone, as long as he consistanly uses the spray. The reason the nose spray works better than loading him up during the day with other antihistamines (like Benadryl, Claritin, Allegra, etc), is that it targets the medication directly at the spot it needs it most.

The allergist also did the best job of explaining what eczema is and how we can help treat it. He finally was able to assure me that there is nothing we can do to heal it completely or make it go away (I say "assure me" because I have been convinced for years that there must be a reason and a cure). For some, eczema may be a symptom of a food allergy. For Taylor, he is one of many that is more prone to eczema because of his seasonal allergies, but it is not necessarily a symptom. We can't cure the eczema, but we can treat it and keep his skin on the defense against it. Here is a list of things we have learned over the years may help fight off eczema and other allergy related skin outbreaks:

• Avoid all allergens that have been established as triggers for flair ups (environmental allergens, specific foods, certain kinds of animals, etc) 
• Use a free and clear (dye free, fragrance free) laundry detergent 
• Do not use fabric softener or fabric sheets 
• If possible, bathe your child as soon as they come in for the day after playing outside. Or, at least wipe their face off and wipe down their arms and legs with a wash cloth and slather on some lotion 
• Use a special, sensitive soap and lotion like Cetaphil
• Use specifically fragrance free lotions designed for sensitive skin 
• Cover their skin several times a day in a lotion like Aquaphore or Eucerin
• Administer an antihistamine like Zertec (cetirizine) at night (the allergist said Zertec, specifically, is best for eczema) 
• Treat open sores caused by the eczema like any other wounds, with a triple antibiotic ointment 
• Use a prescription strength cream like Triamcinolone Acetonide, Locoid Lipocream (hydrocortisone butyrate 0.1%), or Mometasone Furoate Cream on bad skin outbreaks (these are all tubes of ointments that we've used and it takes just a tiny bit to do a lot of good) 
• Keep skin protected with socks and shoes, long pants, etc. Limit the exposure of skin to grass and other allergens. 
• Use special allergy pillow case protectors to fight against dust mites and other allergens 
• Wash bedding on a regular basis in free and clear detergent 
• Keep bedrooms clean and clutter free - vacuum regularly. Wood floors are best, but keep carpet clean. 
• Limit exposure to pets that may have a heavy dander, like cats. 

We do our best to follow ALL these steps on a regular basis. I know it's a lot, but it's just a way of life for us. Start by checking out some reputable web sites. I really like the information provided on the Mayo Clinic site, and I know it is all trustworthy:

Mayo Clinic: Milk Allergy

Mayo Clinic: Food Allergies

Mayo Clinic: Eczema

Mayo Clinic: General Allergies

Childhood Allergies

Dr Sears: Eczema and Allergies

I hope this is helpful! Don't give up seeking the answers you need and figuring out what will work best for your specific child. ~Sarah

Jeggings Are Pants (and Other Common Misconceptions)

Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control -1Tim 2:9

This is a post that has been on my mind for a while, but I have dreaded writing. Does anyone really want to read another post about modesty?

There are so many people and institutions out there that have sought to make this a black and white issue. Christian universities and private schools have tried for years to come up with a set of guidelines and rules for their students to follow in regards to dress code and modesty. While it is noble for an institution to try instilling a sense of modesty and train students to dress for success, they inevitably find themselves adjusting this list of rules on a yearly basis as they attempt to learn what works and what does not. This is a controversial topic, with a lot of gray areas and varying opinions on how to define it. It's a daily argument between parents and teens, and wherever the line is drawn, there will always be someone to push it.

So why am I writing this? 

Frankly, I am just plain fed up with Christian girls pushing the line!

Please remember: Jeggings and leggings are basically just tights.

Cover stuff up! Wear a long shirt to cover your butt. 

Rules without reason can quickly sound legalistic. How can I convey my heart on this matter without coming across too authoritative? God's Word is the ultimate authority, and there is a lot of direction in there for finding a balance between Christian liberties (freedom) and love for brothers and sisters in Christ that may take offence with certain things we do. Do you have a loving and humble heart that is sensitive to the weaknesses of others? Or is your motivation to do what you want, because it is your right and you find nothing wrong with it? Are you angered at the thought of someone telling you what to do, or are you willing to lay aside your right to something (even if it is perfectly acceptable) because you know it will promote peace and unity?

“Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. 
-1 Cor. 10:23-24

Leggings are not pants! Wear a long, tunic style

shirt that covers everything! 

Are we trying so hard to look like the world, that we have failed to set ourselves apart? It is evident from scripture, that God wants us to strive for a life of purity. As Christians, we're called to be in the world but not of it, set apart, different. We're far from perfect, but we should seek to give God our best in all we do. What it comes down to is, we are not our own. Our bodies are dwelling places for the Holy Spirit, we were bought at a price, do we dress in such a way that reflects this? Are we setting a good example and representing Christ well? Are we sincerely in love with Christ and grateful for what He has done for us, so much that it is an honor rather than a burden to follow Him in every area of life?

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. -1 Cor. 10:19-20

Too low

Girls, are we conscious and considerate of how we dress and how it can make life incredibly difficult for our brothers in Christ to keep their thoughts pure? Well, see the paragraph above, if you don't care about others and think guys should be totally on their own with this one. No, you are not ultimately responsible for his actions, but you can show love by looking out for him and proactively guarding his heart through what you choose to wear. You just might be showing a huge consideration to his wife or girlfriend as well!

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. -Philippians 2:3-4

Girls, we really have NO IDEA what it's like to be a guy. Getting married opened my eyes to a lot of things and has given me a lot of insight into the mind of my husband, but I will never know the feeling of being so visually driven. Girls are easily caught up in emotional fantasies and are attracted to guys who appeal to us on a mental and emotional level (even us girls that aren't all that emotional). The way men are wired is not bad, just different from us! We need to be consciously aware of this on a daily basis.

When it comes to modesty, where do you see yourself on this scale?:

Cute, but this would be a nightmare to me because I'd 

constantly be pulling and tugging at it all day! 

Too wide on the top and low/loose fitting. May remedy this 

with a cami underneath or double sided sticky tape. 

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God — even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. - 1 Cor. 10:31-33

An important point to note, is that modesty is very subjective. There are a lot of factors that go into determining what is considered modest. A huge role in this is culture. In some countries and religions, it is greatly offensive for a women to even show her ankles. Many conservative Christian organizations today, still believe women should only wear long dresses and skirts. At some point, we have to step back and determine what biblical modesty looks like. I love C. J. Mahaney's take on biblical modesty in his book: Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World Mahaney reflects on 1Tim. 2:9 which begins by addressing the men of the early church and then the women. Mahaney writes that Paul,

"...is concerned because some of them are imitating the dress and adornment of the ladies of the Roman court and the prostitutes. Those women were known for their expensive clothes and jewelry and elaborate hairstyles; they dressed, not only to attract attention, but to seduce as well. When the women of the church arrived dressed like this, it’s no surprise that they distracted others from worshiping God. What’s more, through their ostentatious dress they associated themselves with the wealthy (thus separating themselves from the poor) and the ungodly (thus distancing themselves from their fellow church members). Their dress was distracting, and maybe even divisive.
That’s why Paul urges them to dress in “respectable apparel” and “not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.” He wants the Savior, not seductive style, to be the focus of the church gathering—and indeed, the focus of all of life. So the real issue wasn’t actually braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly attire. The issue was—and is—clothing that associates with worldly and not godly values: clothes that say “look at me” and “I’m with the world.” Let me be clear: Paul is not categorically prohibiting a woman from enhancing her appearance—on Sunday or any day of the week. In fact, you’ll find other places in Scripture where godly women wore fine clothing and jewelry."

Continue reading from Mahaney's chapter on modesty here: The Appearance of the Modest Woman

On the opposite end of the spectrum are Christians that feel it is sexually oppressive to impose the idea of modesty on women. Yes, I believe an over-emphases on the wrong things and a wrong motivation can be oppressive. However, I'm not talking here about a denial of all things feminine, beautiful (sexy even), a call to cover yourself from head to toe at all times, or to carry the sole responsibility of a man's purity based on how you are dressed. I'm not saying to turn the switch off and shove all feelings of sexuality so far down that you a hard time turning it back on at the appropriate time. On the contrary, I love fashion! Just as I love beauty and creativity in many areas of life, I love buying clothes, changing my hair style, painting my nails, accessorizing and looking good.

What it comes down to is a place in the heart that desires moderation. What Paul was addressing in the early church was the issue of women dressing to draw attention to themselves rather than to God. They were using over the top adornments, accessories and daring outfits that were a distraction to everyone around them because they were conducive to the way flamboyant Roman citizens and prostitutes dressed. Even secular TV stars and self proclaimed fashion police will tell you there are some outfits that are just over-the-top or totally inappropriate for certain events. If we've learned anything from What NOT to Wear, it's how tacky an ill fitting or tight pair of pants can look and how out of place a plunging neckline would be at a funeral. Use discretion!

1920's beach scene: "modesty police" measured to make

sure a bathing suits were no more than 6" above the knee 

I read an article recently that spoke out against the burdensome demands of modesty in the Christian church, based on the argument that it can be oppressive to a women's sexuality. My thoughts on this argument, are that this may have been the case 100's of years ago, but definitely not in America today. Women in America were oppressed at one point, some may argue still today in certain areas and churches. However, not anywhere near what they were before the original women's rights movement took place, or the burning of bras in the 60's and the marketing of women's sexuality that has taken place through Madonna, Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. No one can argue with the fact that we live in an age where modesty is not the norm. The minimal amount of clothing that is required to reach social acceptability has shrunk to surprising lows. This cultural standard has seeped into the church and affected godly people. I'm talking to a very small crowd out there that actually has a problem dressing too modestly and is at risk of feeling sexually oppressed.

I in no way want to claim a position of final authority on the definition of modesty. I don't claim to make the rules (in fact, there are no actual "rules"), but I will share some tips. In an attempt to help my sisters out, here is my take on modesty and a summary of the kinds of things I try to take into consideration every single time I pick out an outfit:

Too short
Too low

• Bend forward and stand up straight: Does it show cleavage in front or too much booty in back? Are my underwear visible? = A YES to any of these means an instant NO GO for me. Add a higher necked tank top to cover cleavage, layer a cardigan that goes down past your butt to cover underwear lines or wear a longer shirt/tank underneath. If a skirt is too short, wear leggings underneath. Use a slip if the skirt is too see-through. 
• Bend from side to side: Does it too easily move around and expose skin? If so, wear a longer tank top underneath. 
• Sit in front of a mirror to check the length on a skirt. How much do I see? Remember to always sit in a "ladylike" manner when wearing skirts of any length (no crossing legs, only ankles). Again, wear leggings under a skirt that seems a little short, or just don't wear it. 
• How short is too short? I generally want my shorts to come below my fingertips, skirts and dresses to fall no shorter than mid thigh - longer for church or when I am going to be standing in front of people/elevated above anyone or moving around a lot. 
• If I were standing up on a stage or stairs and someone was lower than me, how much would be visible? If someone was looking down at me from a higher point, how much could they see? 
• Is my bra or bra strap visible? If so, secure with pins, wear a tank top, etc. 
• How tight is too tight for my particular body type?: My weight has fluctuated a lot of the years. Curvy girls, I hear ya. The magazines say flaunt your stuff, be proud of your curves! Hey, I'm all for confidence in who you are, and loving the body God has given you, but there is no excuse for showing off an enormous amount of cleavage or wearing pants that look like they've been spray painted onto your body. 
• What area is this shirt or pants attracting attention to? Is it way too bootylishous or boobalishous? When in doubt, add a layer that covers things a little more.

Way too low

• I'm a huge fan of being comfortable and safe. If I put something on that I know I will constantly be tugging at, pulling down, pulling up, buttoning up, pulling together, sucking in... I'll usually just opt not to wear it. 
• When in doubt, wear a long tank top or a higher necked cami underneath, pin things in place, ad some stitches or layer a flowy cardigan over a tight shirt. 
• Bathing Suits: I only wear one pieces, tankinies or swim dresses (more so because I am self conscious of my thighs!) that cover my whole mid section. My biggest hang-up is the coverage on top. Yes, it is a pain finding a modest baiting suit! Check out Lands End for some good options. Use a cute cover-up when not in the water for extra confidence. 
• Strapless tops, spaghetti straps and halters. Yes, I do own these and I know where it is appropriate to wear them. Let me tell you, it's usually not at church or the work place. For everyday activities, it comes down to the fit, look, style and coverage of each of these. Some strapless tops are super trashy looking, while others do a good really job of covering things and hanging loose. I use discretion!

A very common style for a prom dress these days.

Really?!? Mom and Dad, really?? 

Ask a friend! Let your husband or friends know it is ok to be honest with you. No one wants to be in that position, and very rarely will someone have the nerve to address you to your face when you're pushing the line. Your husband may not have even looked at you before heading out the door, and he may be afraid for his life to speak up even if he did notice something! Self image is such a sensitive thing, and your friends just want to build you up, so they may need a little prodding to give you the cold hard truth. 

Now, where do you think the attention 

is being drawn to with shorts like these? 

Parents, when did you just give up? As a youth leader, and the wife of a youth pastor, I have a lot of contact with teens and a lot of interaction with parents. Many times my husband and I have looked at each other and asked, what were her parents thinking letting her out of the house like that?! We can only do so much, the majority of it comes down to where you draw the line as a parent.

A young contestant on 

the show Toddlers & Tiaras 

Start young: Pace yourself, don't let your daughter dress like a teenager when she is 10, or she will be pushing the line even further when she is 16. This may entail saying no, for now, when your 6 year old asks to wear high heeled shoes. There is no rule saying high heals on a 6 year old are un-biblical or that God would not be pleased, in fact they are probably pretty cute! But I can say, with full confidence, what pleases God is a heart that seeks to parent using wisdom and discernment. Wisdom helps discern the amount of interest your daughter may be taking in physical appearance vs. how much time you have invesd in her inner beauty. Girls are feeling the pressure to act and look a certain way at a younger and younger age (remember the controversial push-up bathing suit abercrombie was marketing to 12 year olds?). 10 year olds are now considered "tweens" because that's about the age they start feeling pressure to dress exactly like their teenage role model. Sadly, their role models include older sisters that dress provocatively, and a hand full of Disney stars that have traded their squeaky clean image for the bad-girl persona. 

If you have teenagers: stay strong and hold your ground. Protect your daughters innocence - because it's worth it. But don't just lay down a bunch of rules, explain WHY this is such an important issue. Dads, don't be afraid to talk candidly about what you know of the male population. Go beyond the "I'm a guy and I know how guys think" or "guys only have one thing on their minds." We live in such a sex-saturated society, your teenage daughter is not going to be as taken aback by what you have to say, as you may think. Share your heart with her and make sure she knows you love her.

Miley and her 9 year old sister 

Many girls just really need to make sense of it all 
because bottom line, we don't get it.

My Current BIGGEST OFFENDERS: 

Pushing the line. I might wear

this at home, but never in public!

As soon as you start moving

or bending in this shirt, it is

going to show serious cleavage.

• Leggings and Jeggings Leggings ARE NOT PANTS! They are basically a step up from tights. Yes, the degree of thickness does correlate with the length of shirt you can get away with, but in general, you should NEVER wear a shirt shorter than what covers your entire bottom and lady parts. Most of the time, I shoot for mid thigh when wearing a nice thick legging. Around the house, I may get away with a t-shirt that hits just bellow my butt line, but rarely is there reason to do this in public. PLEASE NOTE: I am only 5' 2" sorry to say, taller ladies cannot get away with the shorter shirt thing. Jeggings are a small step up from leggings in thickness, so for me, the rules still apply! There is also something to be said about your environment. Wearing jeggings with a shorter shirt to the grocery store is one thing, but church or the office would be really out of place.
• Cleavage It bothers me so, so much when Christian girls sport cleavage on a regular basis. Can I be honest with you? I don't care if you're a 34A or a 38FF, if your shirt is low enough to see any amount of a crease, it is too low. I've been there. At my heaviest weight, there were days a regular t-shirt that came up to my neck would have still shown a healthy dose of cleavage. I am acknowledging that the bigger you are, the harder you must try and the more creative you must be. But really girls, the biggest problem I see is that you're just not even trying. Yes, life happens, clothing shifts, wardrobes malfunction. But, if you put a shirt on and can already foresee a lot of tugging and "pulling up" going on during the day, just don't do it! Or, use double sided tape, pins, etc. to secure things in place. 

Yes, you have to be extra creative at times, when striving to dress modestly. Most of the time, you wont be able to just take a cute outfit off the rack and wear it as-is. I alter a lot of my clothing, by doing a simple stitch job in the shoulders to pull the neckline a little higher. You may have to layer a lot of outfits with tank tops, cardigans or shrugs. You will probably have to say no to a lot of things that could be really cute. In general, the companies and designers that are creating clothing for the masses are not concerned with modesty. You have to be on the defence. But, it is possible to dress attractively in trendy clothes from popular stores, by being a little creative in how you wear things!

Lord, give me the wisdom and discernment necessary to make choices that will honor You! ~Sarah

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